We must be doing something right...

Springtime around here is hit or miss in terms of weather.  In fact, I am positive the phrase "April showers bring May flowers" was coined by someone who lives in our green state.  Except that it's usually more like "April showers and May downpours and June sprinkles and July, nope you're not in the clear yet."  This year though, we have been having amazing spring weather.  The past three weeks (you heard me, I said WEEKS not DAYS) most everyone's Face.book status has said something like "Loving another sunny day" or "Killing stuff in my yard because the weather is awesome" at one time or another.  Three weeks of almost non-stop sunshine and temps in the 70s and even up to 90?  

It's madness!  

It's global warming!  

I'll take it!  

You can't make me give it back!  

Please turn up the a/c!

With the advent of sunny weather, Piglet has been sporting tons of madras plaid and seersucker, showing off his chubby thigh-age and hanging out outside a fair amount. He patiently waits as I slather sunscreen on him because he knows the reward that comes with sunscreen...S U N!  

Sunshine brings people out and people out in the sunshine are happy.  Said happy people eating a surplus of cheese, drinking wine, pink lemonade and microbrews surrounded by other happy people playing hoops, walking pooches, playing on the swings? Well those lucky boffins basically have it made.  Toss in a cute kid each and you've reached Nirvana.  

Curious what Nirvana looks like? 

Allow me. 

No really.  

It's no trouble.

I insist!

It seemed like a sure thing!

As you might recall, Piglet loves cars, trucks, trains, basically anything with an engine and wheels.  His first real word was "car" or rather "cah."  He has a picture book called "Things that move" and he is obsessed with looking through it.  He'll just sit on the floor and turn the pages and exclaim "cah! cah!" over and over again.  

Our local zoo has an awesome steam engine train that takes you on a scenic ride through the woods and park.  It's hugely popular and there is always a long(ish) line to ride it.  Oh and it costs $4.50 a person in addition to your zoo admission (unless you are awesome like us and have a zoo membership).  Piglet and I have been on several zoo adventures together, but just recently decided to invite daddy along too.  Right when we arrived we heard the conductor say "all aboard!" and we immediately decided we should take Piglet on his first train ride.  

How fun for Piglet and for us as a family!

What a great memory for all of us!  

Who cares that there's a 30 minute wait!  

It will be worth it!  

Yeah, right.  

Piglet loved the train in THEORY.  And actually, he loved it in person too.  What he didn't love was being ON the train.  We handed our tickets over to the nice person in the green polo shirt and with a Piglet on my hip, I slid into the first compartment of the second train car.  No sooner did I do that and dh pull the door shut did Piglet frantically sign "All done!  All done! Help! Help!" and scramble from my lap to dh's lap (highly unusual) and smack at the door trying to get it open.  Of course at that moment, the train started moving and that was that.  

To his credit, Piglet, though terrified, did not cry or utter a sound more than a whimper.  For a moment when the train stopped while the other zoo train passed, he even seemed mildly OK with the whole "I'm on a real live train" thing.  Then as quickly as the other train passed, so did that thought.  He scrambled from the perch on my lap, back over to his dad who he perceived to be stronger and safer.  At one point dh loosened his arms from around Piglet's belly for a moment and Piglet grabbed his arms and pulled them close and tight around him again.  He also maintained a tight kung-fu grip on dh's shirt sleeve.  

Here's a sampling of pictures from our train ride of terror.  ;)

When the 35 minutes was up and our train ride of woe came to an end, I said "Piglet...all done, baby!  We're back!" He smiled with relief, shrieked with happiness and clapped his chubby hands together.  Oh, Piglet.  How we adore you our funny little boy.  

Caveat emptor

In case you haven't bought a house or brushed up on your latin lately, caveat emptor means "buyer beware."  Recently, dh decided his wardrobe needed a little infusion of geek chic and he implored me to help him with this task. I love to shop (duh), so of course I didn't bat a (measly, straight, asian) eyelash.  I am not only equal to, but larger than the task at hand.  How fun!  I get to buy my husband clothes and I don't even need to sneak them into his closet for him to "discover" randomly and think it's been there for months! Visions of Facconnable and Banana Republic and Ben Sherman danced in my head.  I would not call myself the consummate bargain shopper, but I rarely pay full price, so I headed to Nordstrom Rack first. Next I went to Banana Republic, but their selection of sale merchandise was woefully lacking, so in what I thought was a stroke of genius, I turned to - eBay!  I'd had good luck there before in terms of men's shirts.  Plus, Banana Republic has very reliable sizing, so I knew that would be no problem. 

I found several shirts that I thought would suit my dh and was delighted when I was the successful bidder on most of them. Every few days one would arrive in the mail and I would show off my "finds" to dh when he came home from work.  He'd say "good work babe, I LOVE these shirts!" And I'd beam and say "And babe, they were only $25 each!" All the shirts came pinned and pressed because I only buy my baby things that are NWT (new with tags).  Momma doesn't skimp just because she buys on eBay.  ;)  

One morning, dh called to me from our closet.  I was in the nursery chasing a diaperless Piglet around.  

Dh: Babe?  Hey, um, babe?

Me: Yep?  I'm trying to put a diaper on the Piglet!  Piglet, come here!!! 

Dh: Um, babe, can you come here for a minute? 

Me: Argh, just a second!  I am trying to put a diaper on your child.  Crap, he just peed on the rug.  {Then I stomped over to our bedroom. Walked in to find dh wearing one of the new green striped shirts I bought him on eBay.}  WHAT?  What do you need?

Dh: Um, I'm sorry to drag you over here, but I wasn't sure...is THIS supposed to be on the back? {Spins around} 

Me: {Fall on the floor laughing.}  OMG!  I didn't know that was on there!!!  

Dh: And is it supposed to be off-center?!  

Me: {Crying now I am laughing so hard.}

SO, the moral here is buyer beware!  If you buy your husband a shirt on eBay, make sure you take a gander at the back AND the front!  Otherwise, you might send your husband to work wearing a shirt bearing a large, off-center crest topped with a triumphant antelope(?) on the back.  If I hadn't been around, I swear dh would've innocently worn it in, thinking he was a cool kid now.  

A funny Friday night

Dh and I fell in love while laughing.  Usually at each other.  Sometimes at other people. We are always up for something if we think it's going to be funny.  We heard Jerry Seinfeld was coming back to town so of course we got tickets.  We saw him the last time he came (about three years ago) and we laughed so hard our cheeks hurt.  This time was no different.  

At the end of the show, Jerry (we're on a first name basis) came out and did a short Q & A.  One of the questions asked was if he would ever do another television show.  This was his (hilarious) response: "You know, the answer is no.  You know why?  because I'm old and tired and rich.  (hahahahaha!) I told you I have three kids.  Every morning we watch Elmo together.  And you know what - I LIKE Elmo.  I think he's entertaining and people enjoy him.  I watch him and I think to myself  - 'let him work his little red ass off.  I'm done.'"  

How FUNNY is that?!  

We've decided that EVERY time Jerry comes to town, we're going.  Laughing non-stop for 90 minutes is definitely good for us.  It reminded us of when we first met and everything was all rainbows and sunshine and laughter 24/7.  The night caps afterwards were a good idea at the time, maybe not so good the morning after, but who cares?  It was totally worth it. What can top laughter and love?  Ah yes, the sleeping Piglet we came home to that night.  

Sunny downtown walk

This is how the pictures turn out when you're holding Piglet's hand with one hand and walking while snapping pictures with the other. I kinda dig it. :)

Hope your weekend is long and sunny just like ours. 

Self-restraint

For some time now, Piglet has been showing self-restraint when it comes to things he knows are off-limits. He used to look at me and then do the naughty thing anyway, but now he stops just short. This doesn't necessarily mean he's happy about it, but he shows that he knows he's not supposed to be doing [insert naughty action] and he doesn't do it. Most of the time. :) Not bad for 16 months.

My Piglet is growing up! (tear)

Notice how instead of digging around in the dog bowls (strictly verboten) he slams the blinds around instead. You can just *see* the wheels turning in his little head. If he could talk in complete sentences, I bet he'd be saying "I'm not supposed to touch those, but man, they look like SO much fun. Damn, this is so infuriating! I guess I'll smash these around instead." Reminds me of how the dog used to avoid eye contact and start biting herself to look busy after being caught doing something naughty! They ARE siblings afterall.

P.S. Sorry about my shoddy camera work. I was drinking coffee while filming. Maybe if someone had been standing there saying "No, no..." to me, I would've put the coffee down. ;)

On a lighter note...

You may remember that I LOVE pop culture (read: trashy) magazines.  Since I was down about my cyst, etc. and dh was traveling this week, I woke up this morning to find these on my nightstand.

To cheer me up, my dh stopped at the airport newsstand at 1:00 a.m. to buy me every tabloid available before dragging his exhausted self home. Now THAT'S love!! (Nevermind that I subscribe to US Weekly...it's the thought).

And this is the conversation we had this morning while perusing them:

DH: So how long has 'Jon and Kate' been on?

Me: Um, I think this is the fifth season. 

DH: And they get paid $75K per every episode?!  

Me: Yep.  And last season there were 41 episodes!

DH: That's about about $3 million dollars!!! (He did the math in his head in about two seconds, so I don't know if it's accurate, but that's what he said).  

Me: I know.  And that's just ONE season!

DH: What?!  She wouldn't touch her bleeding child during a press thing?

Me: Apparently not. Isn't that messed up?

DH: And they're going to talk about all this infidelity crap on the show?

Me: That's what it looked like on the trailer!

DH: (Moving on to a different magazine, and then says earnestly)   

Wait.  Who are the Gosselins?  

Bahahahahaaaa!!!!!  I love my husband.  He is so disarmingly clueless, but brilliant.

The plan.

After all that agonizing about what decision to make, which path to follow, it appears that the decision was made for us.  Not only is Dr. Dreamy away for those two weeks when I could cycle next, so is Dr. Famous...which leaves only Dr. Curmudgeon.  

Not acceptable.  

He's talented and honestly, he would be fine for an u/s here and there and even my transfer, but no way can I do an entire cycle with him.  Plus he'll be spread pretty thin with so many patients to care for so I can only imagine what wonders that will do for his charming temperament.  Even my IVF nurse said "I'm sharing this with you because we all like you guys so much. I would not cycle now with Dr. Curmudgeon.  Wait until Dr. Dreamy is back.  Then the whole gang will be here for you." How could I say no to the promise of well-fitting plainfront khakis and witty neckties not to mention, kind, caring nurses who know me inside and out (literally)?  No brainer, but there was still the question of my ever-growing cyst.

My nurse and Dr. Dreamy talked it over and decided to put me on bcps off and on until my cycle in July. Hopefully this will, if not shrink, (doubtful) at least keep the growth of my cyst at bay.  Sending up a shout-out to the notorious G.O.D. on that one.  The other small concern is that I might be oversupressed come cycle time, but given that I have very regular cycles, it should be okay.

The voicemail I got from my nurse today said this: "Call me, we have a plan!"  Music to my ears.  It is so nice to have someone else come up with the plan for once.  Now all I have to do is pop pills intermittently and mark days off my calendar.  I can handle that.  I can handle a lot of things actually.  I always surprise myself with what I'm willing to do to have a baby (even now, when I already have one)!

Obstacles.

I have been so much enjoying my time on the the "everything is going so well" bandwagon that it didn't occur to me to stop and plan for the worst.  Don't get me wrong, I usually do plan for the worst because I like to be prepared.  With every IVF cycle I considered my next plan of action in case it didn't work.  It was somehow comforting for me to know that there was another plan in place. You know.  Just. In. Case.  I guess you could say I'm a worst case scenario kind of person.   

However, I really didn't see this one coming.

My. Cyst. Is. Back.

Yes, already.  

It hasn't even been four months and it is already more than half the size of the one I had removed at the end of January.  

I hadn't considered the possibility of it coming back so soon but now looking back, I haven't been feeling that hot and I HAVE been symptomatic.  Still my intuition did tell me, just a little later than usual.  When I walked into the ultrasound room today, the technician asked me how I was feeling and I said "I think my cyst is back on the left side."  I don't know what made me say that, but I knew it was true.  I hopped on the table (bottoms off and all that loveliness first of course).  Sure enough, there it was. Then as she was taking the measurements, the machine froze.  So she had to reboot it and and just left the probe in place.  That was freaking AWESOME in case any of you were wondering.  During this, my OB (and friend) came in to check things out.  She was pissed to say the least.  She kept saying "Bad ovary!  Damnit! Bad, bad ovary!!!"  Then she told me that she had wanted to take it out in January but Dr. Dreamy wouldn't do it.  "I told him just to take the stupid thing out but he wouldn't do it."  I was happy about that, but I wonder if my OB was right.

What does this all mean?  Well it means that I should cycle ASAP so that I don't have to face surgery again and the definite loss of my ovary.  

But here's the rub.  Because there's always a rub where infertility is involved. (My IF sisters are all nodding their heads in agreement with me.)

Dr. Dreamy is on vacation PRECISELY during the time that we can cycle next.  So we would cycle entirely without him.  

And HE is the MISTER in my MAGIC.  

I honestly do not know if we can succeed without him.  

All the other REs in the practice are outstanding, one is even more famous than my very own Dreamy, but...we don't have the history or the mojo that we have with Dreamy.  My first retrieval was done by Dr. Famous because Dreamy was at a convention or something.  (Sidenote: I have very difficult retrievals, no one knows why.)  That cycle, despite having 19 mature follicles, only eight were able to be retrieved. Six fertilized. We got a BFN. My next cycle, Dr. Dreamy did my retrieval. Again, I had 19 mature follicles but this time, 13 were retrieved.  Eleven of those fertilized and of those one became Piglet and we even had an awesome blast to freeze. I don't think it's a coincidence.  While I know that Dr. Famous is extremely talented, he is not as invested in us as Dr. Dreamy.   And that makes all the difference in the world. 

Everyone knows that IVF is a numbers game.  

So, we have some decisions to make.  Our options are:

a) Go ahead with another cycle  ASAP (end of June) with another RE at the practice. Believe that we are in good hands even though they're not Dr. Dreamy's.  

b) Wait until Dr. Dreamy is available at the end of July.  Pray that the inevitably larger cyst will not require surgery and we can still move forward with the cycle.  

This post is already too long, so I won't delve into the possible outcomes but the worst of all scenarios would be for my cyst to grow too large to cycle even by June.  Which means surgery.  Which means I'll have one ovary at the end of the day.  

So many obstacles to get pregnant.  I'm already exhausted and we've barely begun. 

Thanks for listening.

Piglet's 16 Month Update

Piglet had a big month!  He is officially weaned (one full month since he last nursed) and he has started walking.  I say FINALLY to both!  He has always had a great sense of humor, (remember this and this) but it is really coming to surface as he gets older and can communicate more effectively.  I have to say, he cracks me up daily. He's one of the funniest people I know.  Oh and his (hilarious) short little temper is also rearing it's head lately too, which against my better judgement I also find so funny. I will have to film how mad he gets when I refuse to open the pantry door so he can wreak havoc!  Overall, the last month has been great and Piglet, no longer a baby, is growing into a wonderful little boy.  

Stats: Weight 24lbs, height 31.5 inches, clothing sizes 18-24 and some 2T, shoes 4.5-5.0

To mix it up this month, I'd thought I'd share:

TEN LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT PIGLET

1. Many kids have comfort items like a binky, stuffed animal, blankie or other lovey.  Piglet's lovey / comfort item is a Blackberry C.urve. No kidding. He plays with it every night as he is drifting off to sleep and first thing in the morning as he's just waking up. To state the obvious: apple => tree
2. Piglet loves to eat things off the floor.  I could hand him a piece of cheese and he might refuse it, but if he finds that same piece of cheese on the floor of his nursery, he'll let out a delighted shriek and then stuff it in this craw.
3. Piglet loves to be given a choice.  If he's fussy or crabby, I just have to say "which {book do you want to read} {shoes do you want to wear} or {cup do you like better}" and he calms down, focuses and points his chubby finger and which one he wants.  If he's in a good mood and I give him a choice, he laughs after he chooses.  It is utterly adorable. 
4. Piglet would consume all his calories in drinks if I'd let him.  This kid loves him some bevies!
5. I cannot let Piglet anywhere near the Odwalla juice aisle at the grocery store (usually near the produce section).  He LOVES the colorful caps on the bottles and he bellows his signature "DAAAAAAA!!!!!" and points his chubby finger until I give in and grab a C Monster or Mango Smoothie and let him have the cap.  He seriously will not forget or relent even if I take him to the other side of the store. Oh well, at least he's not obsessed with beer caps because I'd sure get a lot of looks drinking an (unpaid for) beer while grocery shopping!  An Odwalla juice is at least less conspicuous. :) 
6. Diaper changes are getting less and less like wrestling matches.  In fact, sometimes you just put the diaper down and he runs over, lays down and puts his legs in the air.  Then I'm the one rolling around the on the floor because I'm laughing so hard! 
7. Piglet loves shoes.  If he sees a pair of shoes on the floor he tries to put them on his feet, even if he's already wearing shoes. Then he'll run and grab another pair of socks, because he knows that socks and shoes go together, but never with sandals.  He is his mother's son.  
8. Piglet recognizes the difference between any old to-go beverage cup and a Jamba Juice cup.  If he sees you with a big orange straw and tall white, purple and green cup, he will become your best friend.  At least until he drains your Strawberries Wild or Aloha Pineapple and then he's outtie.  
9. Piglet is obsessed with bubbles.  So much so that I had to hide the bubble cup and now even I can't find it.  Sorry, kiddo (not that sorry though)!  
10. Piglet has a very keen sense of spatial awareness.  He can be completely engrossed in playing with a toy or a book and I'll think I can sneak upstairs to grab something and before I can move five feet, he's already bellowing to me in a questioning way, wondering where I'm going or where I am.  

I usually answer "I'm right here, baby.  I'm always right here."  

Mother's Day

Today is about celebrating mothers and all that they do all day, every day for their children and families.  But I find myself very grateful to my Piglet for MAKING me a mother.  So on this day, I celebrate him and all that he does all day, every day to bring me joy and make me complete.  

Happy Mother's Day to all of the lovely women and children in my life. XOXO.

To my friends on the IF rollercoaster, I know how difficult this day is during an already uncertain time and I send forward a hope that next year you will be able to celebrate it as well.  

A mother's love

As if I needed any more proof that I love Piglet beyond all measure, today the depth of my love for him was tested once again.  

We were at the A.pple store (also known as Mecca) early this morning to get my i.Phone fixed (read: replaced).  I'd had wayyyy too much coffee and had the shakes, so on our way out, I stopped by the Golden Arches to grab me a little McMuffin love and side of hashbrowns.  I NEVER get a fast-food breakfast because really, who wants to drag a one year-old out the door at that time of day? No craving is worth that!  On this very gloomy, rainy day, this was JUST the pick-me-up I needed. The Golden Arches were my beacon in an otherwise very dark day.  I could not WAIT to eat my tasty indulgence when we got home. A little treat all for me. All MINE!  

Piglet, however, has developed and honed his ability to smell fried food.  And he LOVES it.  (I swear, he got every bad gene I possess).  He's never had a fast-food breakfast, but the hashbrowns smell suspiciously like french fries, a Piglet favorite.  He started demanding some of whatever was in my concealed bag from his plush throne (carseat).  And as you might recall, he demands things loudly and with great persistence. (Go here to see.)  

In the back of my mind I feared the worst.  I clutched my little red, yellow and white bag and hoped Piglet would relent.  He did not.  I cracked the windows in the car so the smell would dissipate and he would forget.  He did not.  I willed him to be lulled by the falling rain and fall asleep in the car.  He did not.  When we arrived home, I lifted him out of his throne and he immediately pointed at the bag containing my breakfast and signed "eat."  EEK!  Given his picky eating habits, I knew the sacrifice to be made.  I dejectedly broke up the hashbrown and breakfast sandwich and set them in front of Piglet.  He shoveled it all into his little craw and demanded "more."  A slow tear rolled down my cheek as he spit out what was in his mouth in favor of the new tasty morsel I doled out.  

A mother's love knows no bounds.  Or gets treats apparently.  You'll have to excuse me now while I go have cold cereal for the 300,067 time this year.  

Some days.

Some days Piglet is so moody, he quickly goes from one extreme to the other, barely taking a breath between the two spectrums. Those days are challenging to say the least. I remind myself over and over how ridiculously lucky I am to have him and forge ahead. Sometimes I stop to eat chocolate in between -- because chocolate's better than vodka, right?

These pictures were taken within seconds of each other.  Seriously, look closely, he's barely even in a different position (except for his facial expression)!  

Kool and the Gang said it best.

Today I'm going to cellllllllabrate good times, come on!  Let's celebrate!  Why? Not only because it's Cinco de Mayo (ole!) but because exactly two years ago to the day, I finally, finally saw two lines appear on a home pregnancy test.  But first I had to feel defeated and throw out the test because the lines did not appear in two minutes like the box said they would.  Figures. Then about 30 minutes later, as I was writing to my URL friends about my second BFN, something compelled me to take the test out of the trash.  That moment has left an indelible mark on my soul.  No, I am not being overly dramatic.  It was soul-changing, people.  Happy could never sum up the glut of emotions I felt when I saw those two lines.  It was like crossing the finish line of the longest race of my life. 

Never one to do things on a small scale (remember Piglet's 1st birthday?), I took a *few* more tests.  You know, just to be SURE.  

I'll remember and celebrate this day every year.  It helps that May 5th also happens to be a major holiday and the wedding anniversary of our dear friends Pat and Mary (we were away at their wedding that weekend).  

Son of a geek!

I could not resist getting these kicks for Piglet.  His dad's a geek/nerd (call it what you will) and who else could wear these but the son of a geek?  If you don't know what the pattern is, allow me to enlighten you - it's a circuit board.  I KNOW, right?  Genius! That's right, I'm trying to plant the geek seeds early.  I mean, Piglet's dad is actually a certified genius (has the US Patents to prove it) so if indeed Piglet followed in his dad's footsteps (in these circuit board C.onverse, no less) I would be thrilled!  I heart geeks, is that such a crime? 

Plus, geeks are safe.  They don't do crap like get MIPs, stay out past curfew or drag race.  Right?  A mother can dream.

No words needed, but music? Yes.

The video below was important enough for me to summon the maestro in me.

And I summoned Lionel Ritchie.

That's all I can, or need to say. :)

And yes, we (the moms) know that our children are going to seek sweet revenge for this when they grow up.  Still totally worth it.

=