Thursday, May 14, 2009


I have been so much enjoying my time on the the "everything is going so well" bandwagon that it didn't occur to me to stop and plan for the worst.  Don't get me wrong, I usually do plan for the worst because I like to be prepared.  With every IVF cycle I considered my next plan of action in case it didn't work.  It was somehow comforting for me to know that there was another plan in place. You know.  Just. In. Case.  I guess you could say I'm a worst case scenario kind of person.   

However, I really didn't see this one coming.

My. Cyst. Is. Back.

Yes, already.  

It hasn't even been four months and it is already more than half the size of the one I had removed at the end of January.  

I hadn't considered the possibility of it coming back so soon but now looking back, I haven't been feeling that hot and I HAVE been symptomatic.  Still my intuition did tell me, just a little later than usual.  When I walked into the ultrasound room today, the technician asked me how I was feeling and I said "I think my cyst is back on the left side."  I don't know what made me say that, but I knew it was true.  I hopped on the table (bottoms off and all that loveliness first of course).  Sure enough, there it was. Then as she was taking the measurements, the machine froze.  So she had to reboot it and and just left the probe in place.  That was freaking AWESOME in case any of you were wondering.  During this, my OB (and friend) came in to check things out.  She was pissed to say the least.  She kept saying "Bad ovary!  Damnit! Bad, bad ovary!!!"  Then she told me that she had wanted to take it out in January but Dr. Dreamy wouldn't do it.  "I told him just to take the stupid thing out but he wouldn't do it."  I was happy about that, but I wonder if my OB was right.

What does this all mean?  Well it means that I should cycle ASAP so that I don't have to face surgery again and the definite loss of my ovary.  

But here's the rub.  Because there's always a rub where infertility is involved. (My IF sisters are all nodding their heads in agreement with me.)

Dr. Dreamy is on vacation PRECISELY during the time that we can cycle next.  So we would cycle entirely without him.  

And HE is the MISTER in my MAGIC.  

I honestly do not know if we can succeed without him.  

All the other REs in the practice are outstanding, one is even more famous than my very own Dreamy, but...we don't have the history or the mojo that we have with Dreamy.  My first retrieval was done by Dr. Famous because Dreamy was at a convention or something.  (Sidenote: I have very difficult retrievals, no one knows why.)  That cycle, despite having 19 mature follicles, only eight were able to be retrieved. Six fertilized. We got a BFN. My next cycle, Dr. Dreamy did my retrieval. Again, I had 19 mature follicles but this time, 13 were retrieved.  Eleven of those fertilized and of those one became Piglet and we even had an awesome blast to freeze. I don't think it's a coincidence.  While I know that Dr. Famous is extremely talented, he is not as invested in us as Dr. Dreamy.   And that makes all the difference in the world. 

Everyone knows that IVF is a numbers game.  

So, we have some decisions to make.  Our options are:

a) Go ahead with another cycle  ASAP (end of June) with another RE at the practice. Believe that we are in good hands even though they're not Dr. Dreamy's.  

b) Wait until Dr. Dreamy is available at the end of July.  Pray that the inevitably larger cyst will not require surgery and we can still move forward with the cycle.  

This post is already too long, so I won't delve into the possible outcomes but the worst of all scenarios would be for my cyst to grow too large to cycle even by June.  Which means surgery.  Which means I'll have one ovary at the end of the day.  

So many obstacles to get pregnant.  I'm already exhausted and we've barely begun. 

Thanks for listening.


PDXTwins said...

I vote A, but answer your phone! I can't write everything I want to say on your blog.

Kelly said...

MVK!!! Just read your blog for the first time in ages and am so sorry to hear about your situation. I'm thinking and praying for you . . .