It pays to obsess!

Posting from my iPhone again. Man I love this thing.

So I've been obsessing all day about my transfer tomorrow. Playing the "what if" game with myself.
Because, you know, who doesn't love a couple rounds of that *awesome* game.

I kept worrying that we'd get in there tomorrow and they'd put me in the weird little conference room again and tell me that all my embryos arrested. Ugh. Talk about a complete and utter nightmare. Then I got to thinking about my little frozen embie. Piglet's twin. And I decided that if we went in there tomorrow and the worst thing had happened, I would want to thaw that little angel and transfer him/her. I'm a genius! What a hell of a back up plan!

So I called my nurse to tell her about the plan I'd hatched in my head. She was so nice and said we'd have to transfer on day five but sure, no problem. She would let them know.

Not ten minutes later I see the clinic is calling me.

Ugh. I feel a pang in the pit of my stomach.

I answer.

It's the embryologist. I hold my breath.

She says my nurse came back to talk to her about my worries and my wish to thaw our other embie. She wanted to put my mind at ease.

So she peeked. Even though they never peek on day two.

And it is fantastic news.
All six are still growing and looking like really great quality embryos!!!!!!

W00t!!!!!!

Seriously I love my clinic. They are truly patient-focused and so exceptional.

Please send us all your good vibes, thoughts and prayers at 10:00 a.m. PST tomorrow. :)

Until then!

I'm either old or infertile.

I haven't stooped to the level of getting one of those 

M T W TR FR S SD boxes yet, but I'm close.  

Last night I forgot to take two of my pills.  

I'm so used to chasing them with shots and since I had zero shots yesterday (w00t!) it just plumb slipped my failing mind.

Hm.  Maybe I am old AND infertile. 

Would be just my luck.

One more sleep until my transfer.  So excited.  I hope my little darlings are growing away in their little dish.  

Tonight I am going to eat massive amounts of sushi and have one celebratory glass of bubbles.  Go me. :)

Musings on the IVF process and fertilization report

The thing that I love no, fascinates no, drives me completely stark raving mad (YES) about this entire IVF process is that it is science, but it's science with heart.  And in the words of A.nais Nin, "The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of, damnit."  Ok, I took the liberty to add that last word.  Sue me.

IVF is full of schedules and protocols and take this, inject that, do it at this EXACT time, ultrasound after ultrasound, and yet it is at the same time, full of the unknown. How will I respond to the meds?  Will this time be different from before? Will my embryos survive until day five? No one ever knows for sure which way it will go.  Not even the doctors.

And the results, if positive, can in many ways, complete your life.  

And the results, if negative, can ruin it.  

That of course, is very black and white. Figures.

In any case, I got the call from the embryologist this morning.  

We have SIX!  

Six out of ten fertilized and are, God-willing, on their way to becoming eight-celled wonders by Saturday.

Six embryos growing in a petrie dish with our name on it.  

And that, my friends is why we call it science with heart.  My heart is on that petrie dish for all the world to see.  

Can't wait for Saturday.  

Lyrical captions

"Oops, I did it again."

"Do you really want to hurt me?"

"If we didn't laugh, we would all go insane."

I made Mr. K (the artist formerly known as DH) wear pink in solidarity.  Matched my custom-made, pink stripey, monogrammed hospital gown.

Oh no, she diiiiinnnn't.

Oh yes, I DID.

The nurses say that no one before (I did this back in '07 too) and no one since has ever brought in their own hospital gown. "You're an original! A legend!" she said.  

Then she said, "Now squeeze the sperm, you're going to get a poke."

And then I said, "Wait.  I thought we were doing IVF."  

Bahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa

Forgive me, it's 4:00 a.m. and I am really, really ridiculous.  

The Dream Team

I'll get to the details of my retrieval in a second, but first I wanted to talk about my RE's clinic.

I love the people at my clinic.  Really and truly.  I wrote about my deep affection for this place and it's peeps a few months back.  You can read that post here.

Today they showed me once again, why they are exceptional and how they have earned my full trust, respect and friendship.  

After the receptionist saw how visibly shaken I was after learning that Dr. Famous and NOT Dr. Dreamy would be doing my retrieval, she apologized profusely that no one had told me of the change in schedule.  

Of course at that point my eyes started to tear up as I tried to explain why it was so important to me that Dr. Dreamy be the one to do the retrieval.  It's not that I didn't believe in Dr. Famous' abilities, he is in fact, a genius, but I have worked my entire schedule around Dr. Dreamy doing this procedure.  If he had missed every other step but was there for this one, I would still be OK with it.  For me, the retrieval is the most delicate, key piece of this entire process.  

At that point the receptionist told me she was going to email the nursing staff about this.  Then I heard murmurs of "call Dr. D" and "just tell him about the situation."  

Next thing I know, I hear the receptionist on the phone with Dr. Dreamy and after she hangs up with him, she peeks over to me and says "We made it right. Dr. Dreamy is going to come in and do your retrieval."  

And then I started crying again.  

Next, my favorite "back of the house" nurse came to get me and told me that they were all so excited to be there for me and knew that it would NOT fly not having Dr. D do my retrieval.  One nurse even told me she saw it on the chart this morning and had already started raising hell about it.  So all forces were working in my favor! They know me back there and they like me too, which helps. :)  Apparently Dr. Dreamy had wanted to do my retrieval but there are some office politics about it and he didn't want to step on Dr. Famous' toes.  That Dreamy, so polite!  

Anyway, so I had my Dream Team there with me and I felt so happy and at ease.  I could not have asked for more.  

And now for the other big news - my retrieval numbers!!!  

WE GOT TEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

TEN PLUMPY EGGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

GIMPY and LAZY MADE ME TEN GOOD ONES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

And now we wait for the call from the embryologist tomorrow about how many eggs fertilized.  

What a crazy, emotional and wonderful day it's been.  Thanks for your support everyone!!!!  I can feel it pulsing through the air and it is amazing.  YOU are all amazing. 

xoxo

PS - Feeling crampy and sore post-retrieval but took my Tylenol and going to take a snooze while dh watches the Piglet for the day.  I'm a lucky girl.

Curveball

Never posted from my phone before but I thought I had to. I'm sitting in the waiting room crying right now.
Why?

Probably a silly reason. But. Still.

So I can't post the link to it but way back when I had just learned of my cyst returning, I was debating about the timing of my cycle.

All of it hinged on Dr. Dreamy's schedule. I could've proceeded with another RE but I have such a good relationship with Dr. D that I chose to risk my cyst and wait until now. All because I wanted no NEEDED Dr. D to do my retrieval.

It was a given, right?

I just walked in to discover that Dr. Famous will be doing my retrieval.

Hence the crying. I have never shed one tear in this office before.

Dr. Famous is amazing, truly. But he's not my dr. He doesn't know me. He doesn't know how difficult my retrievals can be and he isn't as vested.

I was not prepared for this curveball. I friggin' hate surprises.

That's right.

It's what you think it is.  

THE squeezie thing.  Not just any squeezie, but THE squeezie.

No I did not steal it, but I told the phlebotomist I was going to.  I told her you all were egging me on to do it. 

So she said, "you can just have it."

And then she said "Wait, here's a new one. Take this one."

And so I did.  I could not believe my good fortune!

Then I left and took this triumphant picture of myself in the stairwell.

I had to hurry in case someone realized what had just transpired and came after me saying "excuse me, but please return the giant sperm to our office."

My expression is fierce, isn't it?  I am not looking great, but a fierce face can carry you a long way.

It's hard to take a self-portrait with an iPhone but this moment had to be captured for all time.  

Good thing I had the place all to myself or I might've had some 'splainin' to do.  

T-Minus 14 hours until my egg retrieval tomorrow.  

I've got my squeezie and I'm ready.

Bring it. *****UPDATED*****

****UPDATE*****

Just got the call. My E2 levels were great at 2070 so we are pulling the trigger tonight at 9:00!  Go in tomorrow for a blood draw to confirm I triggered (because there was suspicion I did not trigger my first cycle). Retrieval at 8:00 a.m. on Wednesday morning.  Omg, I am so nervous.  I think I might hurl.  Eeeeeek!  

I had another appointment this morning.  I told Dr. Dreamy we really had to stop meeting like this.  He laughed and put a soothing hand on my shoulder.  

{insert schoolgirl sigh}  

My follicle counts look pretty good.  Not great in comparison to my last two cycles, but for this one, pretty good.  I've had to adjust my outlook.  It's a good thing.  

So today I had five follies measuring between 20-22.  The other ten were between 14-17. We're in a bit of a pickle because the five that are ready are *really* ready.  If we coast one more day on stims to get the other ten to plump up, we risk the five that are "plumpier" (Dr. B coined that term and yes it is extremely technical) being "overcooked."  Get it?  

As of this moment, I am scheduled to trigger TONIGHT at 9:00 (right in the middle of The Bachelorette FINALE, how inconsiderate)!  Dr. D wants to take a look at my hormone levels, talk to the other REs in the practice to see what they think and then let me know for sure later today.  

I bet that I trigger tonight.  My E2 levels have been steadily rising and I bet they are just about right today. I will update this once I hear from them, which should be in couple hours.  

I say BRING IT.

Mama is READY.  

In preparation of my trigger, retrieval and transfer, I went out and got the necessary provisions.  Not an IFer and don't know what the hell is up with the pineapple and grape juice?  Read about it here and here.  Probably old wive's tales but can't hurt, right?  I ate tons of pineapple the weeks before I got pregnant with Piglet and look where that got us.  :)  

Stay tuned...