Uncomplicated but uncomfortable that is.
And now, because I am a recovering infertile, I feel forever compelled to warn you that this post is going to start sounding like a big whine fest, which of course, in no way nullifies my extreme gratitude and happiness about the Les Twinks. Dems I love, I love a lot. But when you're two days shy of 34 weeks pregnant with twins, your body becomes a bit of a freak show.
Case in point: Sometimes, and by sometimes I mean -- whenever I cross the threshold of my front door and am seen, even for one second, in broad daylight, people look at me with what can only be described as a mixture of panic and fear. Comments I've gotten from everyone from the grocery store clerk to transients, include:
- How much longer?!
- Are you having that baby RIGHT NOW?
- You are enormous.
- I can't believe you can walk around without falling forward.
- I feel sorry for you.
- I feel sorry for your husband.
- Should you be eating that?
- You must feel as big as a house, because that's how you look
- BEAR DOWN!!!
More often than not, there's no comment, but people do a double take and circle around get a second look, slowing down to a crawl as they pass by. I. SWEAR. TO. GOD.
And to be honest, I just take it all in stride. Because I'll be the first to admit, I am *quite* the spectacle. I'm 5'3" and carrying ten pounds worth of baby around, not in a sling or an Ergo, but IN MY FREAKIN' SKIN. You do the math.
Sometimes, even when I'm just hanging around the house, I imagine what people would say if they were there to witness my daily impersonation of a Weeble Wobble. For instance, every time I roll from one side to the other and successfully dismount my (double pillowtop) bed on the first try, I hear wild applause, along with "Ladies and gentlemen, she did it!!! She stuck the landing!!!" Or when I
make like a flamingo eating chinese food by balancing on one foot and using a chopstick gracefully lean over the counter to open the kitchen shades in the morning, I think "Damn, I'm good!" Most days I just constantly hear circus music playing in the background (dun dun duh duh duh duh dun dun dun dun dun).
And if Mr. K is around, he shows his unconditional love and support by simply pointing and laughing.