Saturday, September 12, 2009

Really? Me?

Even though I've seen the ultrasounds, heard their heartbeats, felt all the increased pregnancy symptoms, I still cannot believe I am pregnant with twins.  I am dubious.

Identical twins even?  





I am infertile.  IN-FER-TILE.  

And pretty profoundly so.  

I have gimpy, cyst-ridden ovaries that don't make the best eggs or embryos. 

In fact, I should've lost lefty during surgery #3 but my RE somehow convinced my OB to let me keep it, just in case.

My embryos don't make it to day five in the lab so my RE's practice has to make an exception and transfer me on less optimal day three.

None of my left over embryos make it to freeze.  Twice this happened.

And somehow, someway, my just fair quality embryo found it within itself to SPLIT?  

And create TWO babies with TWO beating hearts?  

And then IMPLANT? (It could have also been the reverse, implant and then split, but we'll never know.)

And they are still ALIVE?


Seriously.  WHAT is going on here?

The other night on my new favorite show G.lee, one of the characters was told by her OB that she was having a "hysterical pregnancy" which apparently means that you want to be pregnant so badly you have classic, but psychosomatic pregnancy symptoms. 

Even with the ultrasound pictures IN MY HAND, I thought to myself: could that be me?  

I am ridiculous. 

I keep looking for the "Kick Me, I'm Infertile" sign on my back, but it must have fallen off.  


Carrie said...

Yes, you! You are, in fact, pregnant with real identical twinkle babies!!! It is so hard to imagine being infertile and pregnant; a contradiction in terms, right? For goodness' sake, I am TUBELESS!

I still think that. Sometimes I expect to wake up and find out the last six months have been a dream and I am in the midst of IVF or something. But we are really pregnant! Right? ;)

Enjoy the sunshine- we may not see it again for about 7 months.

Cameron said...

Yup, you! This is God/Nature/The Universe's way of telling you that this was MEANT to happen! :) Hang in there!

And didn't you love G.lee? Love it!!

Jamie said...

It takes awhile for it all to sink in. :)

But yes, you -- MissMVK are preggo with twins!! :)

'Murgdan' said...

I will be of no help to you. I will join you in the hysterics though....and I'm not even having twins.

Anonymous said...

Ian and I tried for more than a year to get pregnant, did some preliminary fertility testing and determined that we were infertile. So imagine my surprise when I missed a period. When I took that pregnancy test I couldn't believe it. I couldn't be pregnant. BOTH of us had fertility problems. We COULDN'T get pregnant. So I took three tests because I KNEW the first, then the second were WRONG. Each test seemed ambiguous to me. Clearly not "not pregnant" but not quite screaming "go get a crib and a stroller!" I, being the freaking nut job that I am, diagnosed myself as experiencing a hysterical pregnancy. I found a midwife immediately and went to every appointment KNOWING that, when it came time to hear the heartbeat, my bubble would be burst. My therapist (who knew I was certifiable yet continued to hold out hope that I might be returned to the land of the slightly normal -- she was soo wrong!) could NOT convince me that 3 pregnancy tests and several dr visits were proof that I was actually pregnant; that hysterical pregnancies statistically only happen to young women; blah blah blah. Who cares what the professionals say, I'm a crackpot and I knew I couldn't be pregnant because I'd TRIED. I'd done EVERYTHING RIGHT and didn't get pregnant. There is NO WAY I could have gotten pregnant and not meant to!! I tried not to be too excited about being pregnant because I knew I couldn't handle being told I had never been pregnant. I can't remember how far along I was when we heard her heart beating but I do remember bursting into tears and sobbing because I was REALLY REALLY going to have a baby. My midwife thought I was just moved by the experience (I hadn't shared with her that I was a flipping wing nut who was wasting her valuable time because I only THOUGHT I was pregnant but couldn't actually be pregnant because it was against the laws of biology and physics; and probably because I was mean to that kid in 2nd grade) but I was so relieved! Tappity tappity tappity tappity -- it played over and over in my head. I cried all the way home.

So, here's the moral of my story. You've taken the pregnancy tests. You've seen the ultrasounds and you've heard their heartbeats. Relax, there's a PRETTY good chance that you really are pregnant and are not just deluding yourself. Sit back and enjoy the cosmic joke that your infertile self did the impossible -- you took one subpar, iffy egg and made two babies in the most amazing miracle of nature. Who cares if you don't have anything to freeze? You've got two babies growing in their own snug little rooms tucked inside a cozy little apartment.

Congratulations, rest easy. You're really pregnant!


Marketing Mama said...

Amazing, eh? I'd say you are very blessed. :)

Jessica said...

Its so exciting. I can't wait!!