Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Outraged and devastated.

Today a URL friend who has become an IRL friend got devastating news.  Her baby's heart stopped beating.  She was just released from her RE a few days ago, all was well. 


This woman and her husband are good, decent, hard working people.  They've endured several IVF cycles and suffered multiple losses because ALL THEY WANT IS A BABY. ONE. BABY.

To love.

To nurture.

To call their own.  

AND THIS HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, TRAGEDY has befallen them again.  

Why them?  


My friend and I were so looking forward to being pregnant together.  She has been a tremendous support to me since we started our cycle and through all the ups and downs so far.  I am devastated for her to put it lightly.  I know there is nothing I can do or say that will ease her pain or grief even a tiny bit.  NOTHING.  I also know that she may not want to keep in touch with me anymore.  And I'm so sad about that, but I understand. Who wants frequent reminders of the incredible loss you've suffered?  

That is one thing infertility does for your soul that is actually positive.  It gives you an unending supply of empathy, makes you able to cry an ocean of tears for someone you have never met in person.  

And today I did this.  I sat in my car and sobbed for a friend and her baby and wished I there was something more I could offer.


Larner Family said...

I am so sorry. My heart hurts for them.

nicole said...

That is so devastating. I hope your friend is getting good support. Even though you don't think you can help, I think just acknowledging the issue and checking in is so helpful. It was for me. I hope she has her own little one in the future. Hope you're doing well too.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your friend and for your sorrow. We had friends who were a month behind us with their pregnancy. At 6 months (I was 7 months), they lost their baby due to insufficient placenta/umbilical cord growth. They asked us not to come to the memorial service for the baby because of my pregnancy. It didn't affect our long term friendship. We just simply gave them the space they needed to grieve the loss of their hopes and dreams. They rejoiced with us when Peanut was born and saw her as soon as they were able, but not right after she was born.

Your friend will need some time to grieve her loss. I'm sure she won't be angry at you for her pain but it is understandable if she needs to preserve her space while she is suffering. She'll know you're loving her and grieving with her. When she's ready, she'll find you. Just be waiting for her.

Thinking of you and your friend,


Carrie said...

I hate it for them. I am thinking peaceful thoughts and sending them along... I remember the horror of the days of "there is no heartbeat". And I am so sad anyone ever has to feel that.

'Murgdan' said...

There is just nothing fair about any of this...and there's no rhyme or reason to it. I'm sorry for their loss...it is heartbreaking.

Cameron said...

This is heartbreaking... your friend will be in my thoughts and prayers. :(

Simone said...

Reading that just broke my heart :(
I pray for Peace and Strength for this family.

Sarah said...

Hey MVK--I tried to post on her blog but couldn't get it to work :( So so sorry for their loss. xoxo