Wednesday, February 3, 2010

And right before Valentine's Day

Today I went in for my bi-weekly appointment at the Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist's office. As per usual, I packed myself a snack and my knitting in preparation for a three-four hour visit. I'm a veteran, they know me there now despite seeing a large number of patients for various reasons (CVS and amnio screenings and varying degrees of high risk pregnancies).

I'd started feeling very anxious about this visit because the last time I'd been in, they'd seen Baby B's arrhythmia for the first time. I let my mind wander to bleak places, considering what I would do if they discovered that it had gotten worse or if Baby A had now developed something worrisome too. It always seems that whenever I let my guard down, something comes up and smacks me in the face -- with an open hand no less. So I braced myself just in case of more bad news.

And I did get some bad news.

Depending on how you look at things.

My MFMS, Dr. Silver Fox, upon reviewing my ultrasound and other labs delivered some news that sent me reeling momentarily.

He knocked on the door, walked in the room and said "See Ya!"

I was all "What? Really?!"

And he was all "My dear, your cervix is absolutely astonishing, most women with only half a baby in them don't have a cervix like yours. It's 3.9cm!"

And I was all "Nah-uh..."

And he was all "Yes and also Baby B's arrhythmia seems to be less distinct, which means it's a (insert medical jargon that I am too lazy to Wikipedia for you) that's going to come and go into his teenage years. It is the mildest of all types of arrhythmias."

And I was all "Dude. Are you BREAKING UP WITH ME???"

And he was all "I knew you were a special patient within two minutes of meeting you and marked your file as MFP within five. You will be sorely missed, but my work here is done, you are doing beautifully, so yes, we are breaking up." (In case you were wondering, MFP stands for 'most favored patient.' I am so not kidding you. What is there not to love about this man? Did I mention he speaks four languages and was recently named the top MFMS in the state?)

So we said our goodbyes and he said he wanted to stay friends and would I please send him pictures of the Twinks after they arrived and then we hugged one last time and I left. I walked right by the scheduling desk and into the elevator like some kind of normal pregnant woman.

I'll admit, I'm sad that Dr. F and I broke up, but really it's for the best since I already have four men (not counting the Dreamster) in my line up. Good thing my OB is a woman.

In other exciting pregnancy news, I have developed pubic symphasis and it is all kinds of awesome. The advent of this development means that I also just ordered THIS. Go on. Click on the link...I'll wait.

Tell me, is it dead sexy, or WHAT.

I mean, I might as well wear a sign that says "You know you want a piece."

The nurse at Dr. Fox's office and I were cracking ourselves up talking about it and the multiple uses it could have after I'm done with it. She and I also have a little wager about whether or not it will sell on Craigs.list. Bahahahahaha. I can see the ad title now "Gently Used Prenatal Cradle" cross referenced with "sporting goods/used female jock strap."

I just cannot *wait* to see the spam comments I get from this post!

13 comments:

sprogblogger said...

Oh hurrah for being broken up with! Best news I've heard in a while!

meinsideout said...

I feel your pain - literally - please let me know if that sexy contraption works - I will order it to if it does. The pain is really agonizing and I do not want to take tylenol with codeine to manage it.

Sorry that doc broke up with you - but it sounds like it was for a great reason!

Christie said...

There are no words. Or rather no acceptable words that would be appropriate for the comments section.

Love Letters To China said...

Congratulations on your good news! So glad to hear your doing so well. I'm chuckling right now after looking at those links. Too funny!

PDXTwins said...

Great news! Let's go swimming when I get home. It's going to help your pelvic pain so much.

Amber said...

I was scared to click on those links (pubic symphasis...really???) but that totally made my day. Congrats on your big break-up!

Sunny said...

Girl, you are *rocking* this twin pregnancy. And with that new pubic thingie, it sounds like you can rock it even harder now.

Congrats!!

Cameron said...

When you were tweeting about those things I really didn't understand what the big deal was. BUT I SEE NOW. Oh, Lordy, how do you even put it ON? So glad you're doing well, though!! :)

Eileen said...

I hope you are going to post a pic of you with that contraption on. That would make my year ;-). Sorry you are in pain :-(. YAY for a fantabulous appointment though. I am so excited for you!

Gloria said...

Jock strap for chicks! Finally, some equality!!

Katell said...

Hummmm, do you think this "thing" also works for HBS (aka Heavy Butt Syndrom)???? Ahah, sure you get the joke ....!!

Hope you are not feeling too bad, and really SOOOOO glad to see everything is going well and the twins will soon be here safe :=)

Kelly said...

Teenage pregnancy rates would drop significantly if high school health teachers showed that to their students. Scare them into abstinence!

Brock and Shana said...

I love your story! I am on the ivf january forum and came across a post you left. I had pubic symphysis in my first pregnancy. Not fun! Can't wait to see your identical twinks! Very exciting! Your Piglet is adorable!