I'd started feeling very anxious about this visit because the last time I'd been in, they'd seen Baby B's arrhythmia for the first time. I let my mind wander to bleak places, considering what I would do if they discovered that it had gotten worse or if Baby A had now developed something worrisome too. It always seems that whenever I let my guard down, something comes up and smacks me in the face -- with an open hand no less. So I braced myself just in case of more bad news.
And I did get some bad news.
Depending on how you look at things.
My MFMS, Dr. Silver Fox, upon reviewing my ultrasound and other labs delivered some news that sent me reeling momentarily.
He knocked on the door, walked in the room and said "See Ya!"
I was all "What? Really?!"
And he was all "My dear, your cervix is absolutely astonishing, most women with only half a baby in them don't have a cervix like yours. It's 3.9cm!"
And I was all "Nah-uh..."
And he was all "Yes and also Baby B's arrhythmia seems to be less distinct, which means it's a (insert medical jargon that I am too lazy to Wikipedia for you) that's going to come and go into his teenage years. It is the mildest of all types of arrhythmias."
And I was all "Dude. Are you BREAKING UP WITH ME???"
And he was all "I knew you were a special patient within two minutes of meeting you and marked your file as MFP within five. You will be sorely missed, but my work here is done, you are doing beautifully, so yes, we are breaking up." (In case you were wondering, MFP stands for 'most favored patient.' I am so not kidding you. What is there not to love about this man? Did I mention he speaks four languages and was recently named the top MFMS in the state?)
So we said our goodbyes and he said he wanted to stay friends and would I please send him pictures of the Twinks after they arrived and then we hugged one last time and I left. I walked right by the scheduling desk and into the elevator like some kind of normal pregnant woman.
I'll admit, I'm sad that Dr. F and I broke up, but really it's for the best since I already have four men (not counting the Dreamster) in my line up. Good thing my OB is a woman.
In other exciting pregnancy news, I have developed pubic symphasis and it is all kinds of awesome. The advent of this development means that I also just ordered THIS. Go on. Click on the link...I'll wait.
Tell me, is it dead sexy, or WHAT.
I mean, I might as well wear a sign that says "You know you want a piece."
The nurse at Dr. Fox's office and I were cracking ourselves up talking about it and the multiple uses it could have after I'm done with it. She and I also have a little wager about whether or not it will sell on Craigs.list. Bahahahahaha. I can see the ad title now "Gently Used Prenatal Cradle" cross referenced with "sporting goods/used female jock strap."
I just cannot *wait* to see the spam comments I get from this post!
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