We'll I'll be...

*I wrote this post a few weeks ago, but then the puke and poo fest started, so I just now got a chance to complete it! Playing catch up is such a FUN game.

I would have to say perhaps my most infamous blog entry was this one.

People *still* talk to me about it and I don't mind. In fact, when Mr. K and reminisce about things, it always comes up and we always laugh our heads off. So this year for our five year anniversary, I started joking a month in advance.

"I can't WAIT for my anniversary card! Maybe it will be as personal and touching as my Mother's Day card this year [which read]...'warm wishes on Mother's Day.'" I mean, I can barely choke out the words when I'm repeating them, I'm so overcome with emotion.

AHEM.

And so we bantered, back and forth like that for weeks, building up to our (late) anniversary dinner and gift exchange last week. Tradition dictates that a gift on year five should be wood. So despite my, um, how should I put this -- misgivings, I went to a local guitar shop (on a day that I happened to have a MIGRAINE. Awesome!) and bought my Mr. K a beautiful, more-expert-than-his-ability-to-play acoustic guitar.

With STAND I might add.

The guy (you know...the guy... every store has a guy) kept trying to convince me that someday, Mr. K would want to play while connected to an amp. I was all "no really, he won't." And the guy was all "Totally. Every guitar player wants to play with an amp at some point." And I was like "Dude. He's far less John Mayer and much more Captain VonTrapp plus a little Mark Zuckerberg, so pretty sure about the no amp thing."

So I didn't get an amp.

But I DID get him a super nice leather strap.

Though Mr. K says he doesn't need one because he isn't good enough to walk around while playing yet.

Hilarious.

Anyway, back to the story. Because I didn't want to drag the giant guitar (with STAND) to our romantic dinner, I gave Mr. K his present one day before we went out. He was thrilled and couldn't believe how much nicer it was to play a 'real' guitar instead of the 3/4 size $99 special he's been strumming for months now. You all might recall that it drives me kind of crazy the way that Mr. K gets distracted during clutch times with things guitar-related, so it was a truly selfless gift on my part. What's that you say? I am an awesome gift-giver? Oh, GO ON.

So you are all probably wondering now what Mr. K got me to commemorate our fifth anniversary? First I'll share an excerpt (with permission) from his card to me:

Happy Fifth Anniversary, Darling!

Thank you for creating such a wonderful life for us. Even though I'm sure that all your git will shorten my life considerably, it will have been worth it. I love Piglet and the twins (P and G that is) and can't wait for the journey that we continue to travel together."

Say it with me -- awwwwwww!

And then, without a word, he slid a box like THIS across the table.

I'm telling you, there is something about that little aqua colored box with a white ribbon that makes every single person in the room turn around and stare. I think they thought we were getting engaged! Ha! We're on year FIVE, Suckers!

I can't share the contents exactly, but the interior box was dark blue velvet held something lovely and sparkly that made me verklepmt.

Mr. K surprises me sometimes.

Actually, the truth is, Mr. K surprises me hardly EVER, but when he does, it can be really fabulous.

And every once in awhile, there's no sign of a coupon for miles.

Happy Anniversary, Babe! Mmmmmmwah!

P.S. I read the end of this entry to Mr. K and his response was "What? You don't like the coupons?!"

P.P.S. Do you all suppose I can get to 100 followers before January 1? I am dubious but hopeful as always!

Say cheese!

I know, I know. I've been a little stingy with the photos lately.

Everytime I write a blog entry with just one photo or (gasp) no pictures, I can feel you all getting a little more disgruntled. A little more disappointed. As if to say "You never write, you never call and now you don't even post pictures of the Piglets! I'm going to hit 'unfollow!' Don't think I won't!"

So to make up for my recent lack of photos. I am sharing with you here (and not even on Facebook yet) a photo from our most recent holiday shoot. We usually go the casual jeans and bare feet route, but this time I wanted something spiffier.

Something that required me to wear pearls.

And ties for Piglet and Mr. K.

And perhaps a little hairspray for the Twinks.

And here is the result.

I know it's still only ONE picture (and I still owe you a couple of twin tigers and a fighter pilot from Halloween) but LOOK! We got all gussied up *just* for you!

And also for the 150 people on our Christmas card list.

Yes. Really. 150. Better go start addressing envelopes!

P.S. I know I shouldn't draw attention to it, but you might notice the scars on my leg (that I haven't had my photographer touch up yet). Those are from my feral-cat-scratching days. Remember those? It's been eight months and they still linger. Seriously.

P.P.S. If you are my FB friend and would like to be added to my Christmas card list, just let send me a message!

It all adds up.

Mr. K and I have been a little under the weather for the past week. We had the same symptoms, which of course means I was congested and had a headache and Mr. K asked me to have the priest come administer last rites.

Twice.

And he isn't even Catholic.

Apparently being on the brink of death makes him religious.

Anyway, this means we have been laying low as much as we can with three children under the age of three. Translation: the tv has been on for good chunks of the day for several days.

Give me a break! We were sick! (cough cough cough, gag, spit, rinse, repeat)

Lately Piglet has been asking for a lot of Curious George and as a result, we've all been wanting to off ourselves enjoying a lot of "e e e e ahh ahh ahh" sounds along with dialogue from The Man with the Yellow Hat.

Today OUR dialogue went something like this:

Mr. K: Oh my. He had the train conductor over...

Me: Who?

Mr. K: The Man with the Yellow Hat!

Me: Oh, for dinner?

Mr. K: Yes, or something... perhaps a little wine? Some slow dancing?

Me: OMG. You think The Man with the Yellow Hat is gay?

Mr. K: I'm just calling it like I see it. His clothes always match, they even match his car (!), he lives in the city but has a country house, he has an exotic animal as a pet and the clincher -- he has box seats to the symphony.

Me: This is a new low. We are now analyzing a cartoon and the main character only communicates by grunting.

Mr. K: Darling! I'm in a weakened state! (cough cough cough)

When he couldn't take it anymore, Mr. K took the time to go to URGENT CARE (because he doesn't like his primary). A few hours later I got a text from him that said.

"Sinus infection! They say I'm lucky to be alive!"

To which I responded "Should I call priest? Again? Also, be sure to stop by my mom's and see Piglet one last time."

As you can see, having three children under the age of three has sapped me of all sympathy. Even for something as serious as a raging sinus infection.

Decision 2010

You will be able to infer, based on the video below that I won we chose a school for Piglet.

He will be at this school for one year and possibly three until we transfer him to a school that absolutely "dazzled" Mr. K. I'll introduce you to that school in another post.

For now, we are settled!

Touring

Mr. K and I have been touring schools for Piglet for several weeks now. We are leaning heavily towards a language immersion program and with this in mind, our breakfast conversation with Piglet goes something like this:

Me: Piglet, can you say cwahssan (croissant)?

Piglet: Cwahssan!!!

Me: Piglet, can you say fromage?

Piglet: Fromage!

Mr. K: Piglet, can you say "I am speaking a dead European language?"

Oh that Mr. K, he thinks he is so funny.

If he had his druthers, we would enroll Piglet in a Mandarin Chinese immersion program.

Yesterday.

He figures that it will serve Piglet well to know the language of our "future overlords."

And he may have a point.

But let's face it, "Ni Hao Ma!" does not have the same flair as "Bonjour Maman!" And to be honest, the school with Mandarin immersion is, as Mr. K put it, "kind of a dump." Some facilities are modern and new while two of the main buildings should probably be checked for asbestos and mold. Seriously. MVK never jokes about mold and I'm telling you that there was a dank smell that hinted at something more. Thankfully, the classroom where the three year-olds are housed is in one of the newer buildings but the four year-olds are in mold central so we would only have one year before having to decide what to do next.

The school of the dead European language is fantastic all-around. The grounds are lovely and well-maintained and the buildings are bright and clean. The children all appeared happy and confident, not to mention adorable with their "s'il te plait" this and "oui, c'est bon!" that. The teachers are all native speakers and the head of school who has a PhD, stated a very compelling case for language immersion. I was smitten from the get-go, imagining my Piglet being all French speaking and fabulous.

Because that right there is the truth.

The French language is freaking fabulous. Sure, it's not as useful as sayyyyyy Spanish or Mandarin, but who needs useful when you can have FABULOUS?! Just saying.

Besides, let's just call a spade a spade. Mr. K is a genius-level uber geek. Signs point to Piglet having inherited the geek gene. Odds are that while it would be an amazing gift for him to be bilingual, he probably wouldn't need it in his chosen career.

Did you catch that?

I just charted my 2.5 year-old's career path.

NO, I DO NOT HAVE CONTROL ISSUES.

Thank you very much.

Moving on!

While we cannot believe that the time has come to consider preschools for Piglet, we know that he will probably be ready to start in January and certainly next fall. It's an exciting process for us and especially for Mr. K who loves to learn and loves that he will be able to share this journey with Piglet soon.

I am having so much fun touring schools and imagining Piglet making pipe cleaner art and handprint wreaths. Though I'm pretty sure my parents didn't go through this elaborate process with me. I think they just picked a place that was clean and where the people didn't seem like they would practice corporal punishment.

Ah, how times have changed.

Piglet, enjoy your last days of lounging and raiding the pantry. Change is a-comin'!


P.S. - To my new fan Liz, this one was for you. Now you can say "TWO freaking posts in October?" Put me out of my misery and hit follow already!

Oh Reality, surely you jest.

Okay. Where did we leave off?

Oh I KNOW.

I was about to embark on a sunny, dream vacation to celebrate my 20th friendaversary with my BFF.

And let me tell you, it was awesome! The best part? We discovered that we are perfect travel companions. Which is HUGE. You know how sometimes you are great friends with someone and then you go on vacation with them and you suddenly discover 1,000 annoying little things about each other that have you calling your spouse from the bathroom saying "OMG! She pouted all morning because we didn't go out to breakfast!" or "She spends all her time on the phone! I might as well be on this trip alone!"

Not with Jess. Not for one second did we get on each others' nerves or bicker or have a moment of tension. Miraculously, we seemed to be in sync for the entirety of our trip. No small feat! I think that this is due in large part to the fact that we both fundamentally believe that vacation has three finite goals: lounge, eat, and shop. Oh and also because we were drunk most of the time.

KIDDING! (not really)

It helps too that we share the same twisted sense of humor where even a CONVERSATION about the SkyMall catalog can send us into a crying fit of laughter. Meaning, there was no actual catalog on the plane, but just TALKING about it made our shoulders shake and eyes tear up because YES, a standing pig wearing a chef's hat and apron while holding a chalkboard is *that* funny.

Conclusion: we are ridiculous.

I could regale you with many tales from our trip, but perhaps the most memorable was our evening spent with the troubadour Paul who insisted on serenading us TABLESIDE whilst staring deeply into our eyes (Jess' were intermittently averted by the very arduous task of cutting asparagus). My strategy was to think of the most unfunny things possible, you know -- dead bunnies and JESUS ON THE CROSS.

Seriously. The whole evening was complete hilarity. Oh, One-Man-Show Paul with your Mark Cohn and Bruce Hornsby, you made our evening one of the funniest in TWENTY YEARS, for this we thank you.

If you're wondering how Mr. K fared, he was a superstar. I got texts all day long with photos and videos of happy piglets. He had a marvelous time with the whole Mr. Mom gig. In fact, he was so effusive about the whole experience, he had me wondering if perhaps he was enjoying my absence TOO much. When asked what made single parenting so fun for him Mr. K replied "I think it was being able to do whatever I wanted with the kids. I could even dress them in stuff that didn't really match!"

You'll excuse me now as I clean up the mess because MY HEAD JUST EXPLODED.

Ahem.

Jess and I returned in the evening around 7:00 p.m. and to say I hit the ground running would be an understatement. I no sooner set down my bags then it was "Juice! I need juice!" and "the babies need to eat!" My first full day after vacation went something like this:

9:00 a.m. - Playdate

11:00 a.m. - prepare trio for dr. visit and shots

12:30 p.m. - leave for dr.

2:45 p.m. - return home from dr. visit (during which the nurse started fanning me with the Twinks' charts because things got so crazy)

3:00 p.m. - drop off prescriptions at the pharmacy

3:30 p.m. - pick up dog from groomer due to "anal gland issues"

4:00 p.m. - take dog to vet for above mentioned problems

5:00 p.m. - return to pharmacy and pick up prescriptions

5:30 p.m. - make dinner, feed kids

6:00 p.m. - bathe babies

6:30 p.m. - last feed for babies

7:00 p.m. - bath for Piglet

7:30-10:00 p.m. - replace binkies, soothe babies, put Piglet to bed, clean kitchen, pick up house

Now how's that for a strong dose of reality?

Did I mention we had our own pool and 3,000 sq feet to frolic in just the two of us?

There's no such thing as a gradual re-entry when you are a mother!

So, if you're the jealous type...

You should skip this post.

Seriously.

Because it's gonna smart to read this one. A little. Okay, maybe a lot.

Especially if you have small children and are short on sleep.

Because my husband is all kinds of awesome sometimes.

And as I mentioned before, last year for my birthday, he told me to go away.

Without. The. Kids.

For FIVE days!

Not one to argue (ahem), I'm going.

TODAY!

And -- the best part? I'm taking my bestfriend with me. Five glorious poolside, coma-like-sleep, martini-stupor-filled and A&E movie marathon days. The weather's going to be hot like fire, but we honestly don't give a fart. Yep, I said fart. I live with four boys. It's part of our daily vocabulary. We are staying in a giant casita at a swanky resort and we have been waiting A YEAR for this vacation.

Correction. We have been waiting TWENTY years for this vacation, which is how long we've known each other, which is since we were 14 years old.

Annnnd now you know how old I am. Don't let it go to your head.

Presently I am running around like a terrifying organizer bunny with 'roid rage trying to get everything squared away before I leave at o'dark thirty tomorrow today. Curious what this involves? Want a sneak peek into the 'I dream of Container Store' brain of MVK?

Here's a sampling of what's on my list:

• Type up eight page user manual schedule for Twinks
• Fully stock fridge with the five items that Piglet will eat plus leafy greens for Mr. K.
• Clean and disinfect inside of suitcase
• Select outfits and make sure I pack the appropriate unmentionables to wear with each
• Pump, store in bags, date and freeze EXACTLY 262.5 ounces of milk, count it all again to make sure
• Send Mr. K an email reminding him of Piglet's classes and activities for the week. Also remind him to give Piglet daily vitamins.
• Double check and confirm hotel and car reservations
• Vacuum my purse

I sobbed a little as I bathed and put the Twinks to bed tonight, knowing that they will still be asleep when I leave in the morning so I won't have another chance squeeze their chubby thigh and kiss their round cheeks! As for Piglet, I told him I was going on a trip and he was staying home with Daddy for a few days. His response?

"Okay, mommy! BYE!!! I GO SEE CHOO CHOOS WITH DADDY! YAY!"

His little spirit was just CRUSHED as you can see.

Okay, off to check more things off my list. Only 3,842 more items to go.

HOLLA!

I'm baaaaaaaack!

Miss me?

Did you??

Did you?!

(I know that *some* special people did because they keep leaving "comments" in Chinese and passing on interesting links.)

Anyway, I missed you all. A whole LOT.

I have a list of excuses as long as my last receipt from Target, but would you believe the most compelling one has nothing to do with Piglet or the Twinks? In fact, it has to do with Mr. K and his (failed! gasp!) attempts to replace my hard drive.

Replace my hard drive. (giggle giggle snicker)

It seems that my MacBook Pro was low on space and it should've been an easy fix. But, OMIHOLYLORD. It was *quite* the ordeal. One ding to my clamshell and FIVE WEEKS later, I finally got my MacBook back. I learned me a very valuable lesson. If you get some sort of message saying that you might be low on disk space due to blahblahblahblahwahwahwahwahblahblah, DO NOT. I repeat, DO NOT read the message to your nerdy, husband who has OCD tendencies about these things unless you intend to relinquish your computer for weeks on end and live with a cranky, frustrated spouse. Don't get me wrong, I know I am lucky to have a nerd at my beck and call and now my MBP is lightening fast and I can store as many damn videos and pictures as I please. I am very grateful.

BUT -- damn, that took for-freaking-ever. And a blogger needs her 'puter.

JUST SAYING.

A short update on we folks here at Maison Piglets. The Twinks are fast-approaching six months! SIX! And they are getting fatter than ever, tipping the scales at nearly 17lbs apiece. Piglet is almost completely potty trained! As in, wears days of the week undies and runs around the house bellowing "I go pee pee! I go pee pee NOW!" I swear, when we are home, the child is naked from the waist down for approximately 77% of the day. It's become clear that THE accessory to have at our house is a pen.is. And if that's true, I am completely out of luck because I don't think J.Crew got those in their last shipment. Same goes for Nordstrom. Maybe I should look online?

Anyway, our summer flew by and culminated with a one week vacation to the beach with my family. What we learned is that there will not be any "vacations" for us for approximately 9.5 more years. At least. Going on "vacation" right now just basically means that we are relocating the hamster wheel and its accoutrements elsewhere.

I will now pause so that you can all get a good, clear mental picture of Mr. K and me running on a giant hamster wheel, wood chips flying, our three piglets cracking the whip whenever we stop to catch our breath.

Got it?

Anyway...seriously.

Being away from the comfort and convenience of our home was a total nightmare special challenge. From packing up all our crap to then trying to jam it into our car to the two hour (in traffic) car ride there, it was so challenging and exhausting and I would just as soon stay home and look at a freaking postcard while listening to some New Agey ocean sounds on CD.

What we learned is that raising twins and a two year-old is unbelievably difficult. And traveling? Forget it. At least for awhile.

(Insert diatribe about how I'm "not complaining" and I know "how lucky" we are, how I "never take my children for granted.") I could write it all out again, but do you really want to hear it?

Really?

Reeeeeally?

I don't believe you!

But rest assured it's what's in my heart. I love my kids and family but, in the words of Mr. K, "I'll be a monkey's uncle" if this isn't the most stressful, exhausting time of our lives.

To make up for being silent so long, and to give you and idea of what we've been up to, I compiled the following snapshots from the past two (hang head in shame) months just for you. Where words fail, photos speak. And where photos fail, you can fill in the blanks!

Enjoy.

Oh how I've missed you my bloggy friends, I'm so excited to be back!