Monday, May 10, 2010

So, Mother's Day...


There are a thousand reasons why I fell in love with and subsequently, married my husband.

He is kind.

He is a good person.

He knows his way around a kitchen.

He is brilliant.

I'll spare you the remaining 996 reasons, but rest assured they exist.

However.

Because you *knew* there was a 'however' in there -- gift giving/purchasing is not his strong suit. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that he kind of sucks at it.

Kind of.

Fortunately, given some guidance and gentle direction (e.g. catalog pages ripped out and taped to his rather imposing eyebrows), he has been known to pull through critical situations. Without said guidance or direction, he's like a lamb to the slaughter. Because MVK loves her some presents.

They don't need always need to be grand or extravagant but I love getting trinkets from Mr. K. I also *adore* giving gifts. I'm that person who buys a gift in advance and then just can't wait until the occasion arrives, so I give it to the person early. I'm so five that way. The year the Wii had just come out and was impossible to get? I got my hands on one and lasted two days before I gave it to Mr. K even though Christmas was still two weeks away. The better the gift, the more excited I am to give it.

Mr. K? He could take or leave gifts (and occasions for that matter). Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays are all fine and good with him, but there's no thrill or excitement surrounding them. He enjoys getting gifts, but if all I presented him with on his birthday was a pair of socks and a peanut butter sandwich, he'd be fine. Grateful, even. The man is a nutter butter like that.

In the formative phase of our nearly decade-long relationship, I thought it was cute and quirky. For instance our first Christmas together, he got me the following:
  • a spatula large and sturdy enough not only to flip pancakes, but perhaps also a snow tire
  • a pair of leopard print, bootie-style Dearfoam slippers
  • a pair of brown hairy socks
It was an inexplicable trio of gifts but I went with it because I was in LURV.

As the years have passed, I've accepted Mr. K's lack of enthusiasm in the gift giving department. Often, I just save him the trouble and say "Babe, I bought myself a birthday present from you. It's fabulous and thank you."

Sometimes he surprises me and of his own volition, does something awesome. Last year for my birthday (when I was 100 months pregnant with the Twinks) he wrote me the sweetest card and enclosed homemade coupons for a five day, kid-free getaway for myself and a friend. We've already planned a sunny vacation for the fall and I'm so excited!

But for Mother's Day this year, I didn't have time or energy to rip out pages of catalogs or send links to things I want online. In fact, there wasn't really anything I wanted or needed. But that being said, I'm still a WOMAN and considering I'd just given birth to twins, I figured it was an occasion Mr. K might spend a little time noodling. Just this once.

On Sunday, Mr. K and Piglet presented me with a teal blue envelope (not from Tiffany, don't get excited) and inside it was a card with the message "Warm Wishes on Mother's Day" imprinted on the inside. I should've known then that Mr. K was short on sleep and energy and this was not going to end well for any of us.

Mr. K wrote some nice sentiments on the card and signed it from he and the boys with a P.S. that read: "Coming soon are coupons for TEN SHOWERS! So you can shower anytime you want! Happy Mother's Day!"

DUDE.

SHOWERS.

S-to-the-H-to-the-OWERS.

As in to be used to BATHE MYSELF.

As in that was my MOTHER'S DAY GIFT this year.

Just to reiterate in case you are not quite sure what I mean.

Mr. K honored me, the mother of his THREE children, the woman who went to great lengths and innumerable pains to bear said children, with the gift of TAKING A SHOWER. And not just ONE shower, but TEN!

TEN WHOLE SHOWERS!

ALL FOR ME!

I MUST BE AN AWESOME MOTHER TO DESERVE SUCH A GIFT!

You can *imagine* how well this was received by my raging, sleep-deprived postpartum hormones.

"But, but, you are always saying how GREAT you feel once you've taken a shower in the morning! I thought this would delight you!" Mr. K was treading water like hell.

My thoughts? Apparently I should've repeated over and over how GREAT it feels to wear DIAMONDS everyday!

Or SMELL ROSES!

Or EAT CHOCOLATE!

Mr. K is a very literal person. Who knew?

You may wonder why I'm sharing this story since it's not a typical recounting of the Mother's Day. Because I want you to know it's not always bubbles and cupcakes at Maison Piglet. And while it wasn't funny at all at the time, it was funny as hell just one day later.

The next day I laughed until I cried because it was so funny.

The story is SO Mr. K; SO very US.

And while I might forget about roses or chocolate (but not likely diamonds, ahem), I will never forget the year I got showers for Mother's Day.

Thanks, Babe. You're nothing if not memorable!

Oh and Father's Day is coming up and paybacks are hell.

21 comments:

Kelly said...

That is HYSTERICAL! I can't wait to see what he ends up with for Father's Day.

Eileen said...

Don't make me laugh! My stomach hurts! I especially like the last line ;-). I should have my husband read this so he doesn't get any brilliant ideas next mother's day.

Carrie said...

Dude, that was hilarious! When you said "showers", I thought you meant baby showers, as in, friends/family bringing you tons of gifts!!!

meinsideout said...

too funny! I asked for - and received - an extra three hours of sleep, which is the best present one can give to me at this point.

Amber said...

Too funny. Every single person I talked to had a less-than-stellar Mother's Day... must be something in the Portland water. :)

Christie said...

I like that he was so into his idea even though the coupons weren't done yet he had to share your present with ya. That is pure awesomeness. Also, never hurts to step outside the shower for a few seconds of online shopping (www.tiffany.com). Just sayin'.

Love Letters To China said...

OMG... That is about the funniest Mother's Day story ever! I too can't wait to see what Father's Day brings. ;-)

Vaso said...

Hhhmmmm... This kind of reminds me my situation, but my stories are not this memorable ;)... Enjoy the showers!!! LOL...

strongblonde said...

hahahahaha!! i loved this post. made me laugh out loud at work!! at least you'll be clean! (which is more than i can say for me these days!)

Meghan said...

Howling!!! Enjoy your priceless gift!

'Murgdan' said...

Awesome. Really. And it was actually thoughtful...in that it required thought. Because my husband? My husband? He's been known to dig through the closet and pull out some old thing of his and hand it to me even without wrapping it and wish me a HappyBirthdayHappyAnniversaryHappyWhatever.

But now he just asks "Do you want something and if so what do you want?"

It's bad.

Mother's Day will never include a gift in this house. I can tell you that right now.

Cameron said...

This is sooooo funny. Have you guys ever read the love languages book? Gifts is Mr. K's *last* love language, apparently! :) (It's way down on my and Jason's lists, too.)

Brock and Shana said...

Wow. Thanks for the laugh! My DH also gives gifts in this fashion. Sometimes it's better to just give nothing, but just the memory of that will be worth it to you! Great story!

Jamie said...

LOL. I didn't even see my hubby on Mother's Day so you've got one up on me! :) We don't get too into holidays -- but I am totally jealous of your showers! And of your getaway this fall!

MGerson said...

Hilarious story!! If it makes you feel any better, I went food shopping on Mother's Day and then to my in-laws' house so hubby could celebrate with his mom! Hubby and J did make me breakfast in bed and that was cute.

The Marketing Mama said...

OMG - that's awful. AWFUL!!! And hilarious. so sorry. :(

Meghan said...

Are you okay? Come back and make us laugh, and throw in a few pics. of the piglets for good measure! I can't imagine why you haven't been able to post every day! ;)

bug and Boo Designs said...

I was just browsing your blog and I almost peed my pants!!!! That is SOOOO funny!

Dishita said...

hahha. hilarious.

Monica said...

Hilarious! I'm so impressed that you turned it into such an enjoyable story! What a great sense of humor!
About 5 yrs ago I had to pretend my birthday was the next day when one of my sisters came over to give me a gift because I didn't want my children to be in tears again because no one helped them buy/make presents. The next day was great!! ;)

Jill said...

Okay, so I realize this was over a year ago, but I had to comment! My sister sent me the link to this post (she said it was a funny story about how she stumbled upon it- have to hear that one later). My mascara is now running down my cheeks and my concealer has now returned to it's original state and liquefied! SOO funny! I'll be following your blog now ;) Thanks for sharing and for the much-needed laugh! ♥