Introducing Les Twinkies

With all the swirling drama, I forgot that I made Dr. Dreamy position the ultrasound machine so that I could capture this first shot of Les Twinkies.  

Do you see the little darlings there?  Sharing so nicely?  I'm actually kind of impressed with the quality of this photo considering it was taken in a dark room with a camera phone.  

My IF friends, you know what was going on while I got this shot. I was laying there, you know, wand and all.  Lovely.  

Of course I wanted to share it with you and give you a short update.  After some back and forth, I was finally "cleared" to schedule my appointment with the maternal fetal medicine specialist.  (Hereafter referred to as the MFM).  The scheduling nurse said that they would not see me next week but between 9-10 weeks.  

WHAT.  

This did not make me happy since I trust Dr. D and he said he wanted them to see me NEXT WEEK.  So despite being a pleaser by nature, I pushed back.  

Me: "Why are you having me wait?"  

Nurse: "Well, we want to make sure the pregnancy is even viable.  We want to be sure we see heartbeats."

Me: "We already saw heartbeats. Yesterday.  At 6w3d.  That's why I'm being referred to you."

Nurse: "Oh.  Really?  Wow.  Well we would not have expected to see them so early. Okay, how about we have you come in at eight weeks."

Me: "Okay.  Great." (But in my mind I was thinking, eight weeks is not NEXT week but take what you can get.)

Tell me, should I have insisted on being seen next week?  The reason I didn't push more is because I know that if there is a membrane (please God let there be another one) it will most likely be visible later rather than sooner.  

So I'll go in on September 10th for a level II ultrasound and a consult with the MFM. The time's going to fly, right?  

I said, right?  

The news.

I'm sorry I kept you waiting all afternoon.  I was still processing.  

I am still processing.  

I won't regale you with a play-by-play or tell you about what the Dreamster was wearing (though the tie was mint green and very snappy).  I'll just get right to the point.

Today I am 6w3d according to Dr. Dreamy (but my ticker is one day behind).  

Today we heard a heartbeat (105 beats per minute) and saw one Piglet measuring 6w1d (perfect) in one gestational sac.

Then we saw another Piglet measuring 6w0d (also great) and heard another heartbeat, also 105 beats per minute.  

I got to experience a very moving and thrilling moment in an infertile's life.  

My most infertile of ground sprouted something living and breathing. 

Wait.

My most infertile of ground sprouted someTHINGS living and breathing.  

It is enough to make you weep with joy and disbelief.

The catch?  

Because there's always a catch, right? 

They are both in the same gestational sac.  

They are identical twins.  

Sharing one sac. 

Such bittersweet news.  

It's all very worrisome.  Dr. Dreamy says he has only ever seen a handful of such cases.  He's sending me to a maternal fetal specialist for an ultrasound next week. I'll call to schedule it tomorrow.  

I've been researching this as much as Piglet will allow.  From what I gather, if they are Monochorionic Monoamniotic (MoMo) this is the worst case scenario because they share everything.  If they are Monochorionic Diamniotic (MoDi) that's better because they at least have their own membranes within the gestational sac.  Actually, I must give credit to my dear friend Liz who found this information for me before I could get my act together.  

I would post links about MoMo vs MoDi, but honestly, this has been one emotionally taxing day and I am just spent.  But I will post more information soon.  Promise.

Thanks for all your love and support and please keep cheering on and praying for BabIES Deux.  Will keep you posted about my upcoming appointment.  

Another way to avoid sand...

...use your dad as a mule.  

Again. 

Wish you were here

We've been away at the beach for the past five days.  We've been busy running around with fellow pint-sized cousins, avoiding sand at all costs (Piglet is ABHORS it..and we are at the beach...nice), eating lots of tasty food and soaking in the beautiful weather.  I have had about ten blog entries sloshing around in my noggin, but none have come to fruition.  I'm sorry.  I think it's because the ocean waves and my recent propensity towards large meals are like a pregnant woman's A.mbien.  ALL I WANT TO DO IS TAKE LONG, LUXURIOUS NAPS!

For now, Piglet and I leave you with this image of us enjoying our beach blanket and sand toys, sans sand. Only Piglet.

Gin-gee

Remember how I told you Piglet can now say our killer Kujo-like labradoodle dog's name?  Here he is saying it loud and clear.  And I must say I love the squishy-face he makes in between saying "Gin-gee!"  Piglet is so expressive and funny these days.  I will have to capture and share his new and sometimes very emphatic "noooo!" It is truly hilarious. Enjoy and stay tuned for upcoming posts from my temporary, remote, super secret location.  

P.S. Lest I forget to mention Baby Deux, we are t-minus six days until ultrasound. (Insert high pitched, happy but anxiety-filled squeal that can possibly be heard only by canines.)

Someone stop me.

+

=

And all consumed less than an hour before bed.  Oh the SHAME.

Oh well. 

Last night it was a H.ershey bar and ginger ale.

P.S. I have to tell you all that yesterday Piglet and I went to play at my sister's house. My brother in-law asked my sister how I was and her response was "I fed her from the minute she walked in until the minute she left."  What she left out is that I was there for three hours.  :)

Evolution of a smile

Piglet turned 19 months last week. I still need to write the update, but let's be honest. You're only in it for the pictures. I don't blame you. I'm the same. Sure, the list of words he can say and sign is completely scintillating, but that chubby cheeked grin still wins! For the record, my favorite new word he learned to say is "Ginger" (our killer labradoodle dog's name).

So until I can manage to string two words together that don't involve the words "beta" and "ultrasound" I'll leave you with this brand new series of snaps I took of my ever-growing Piglet. And by brand new I mean taken about five hours ago. Do I deliver, or what?

Limbo, the new staycation.

I went in for my second beta last Friday.  I had a feeling that maybe it wasn't going to be perfect.  Don't ask me how I knew, I just did.  When Dr. Dreamy called me (on his lunch hour, no less!) all he said was "Hi M. this is Dr. Dreamy, how are you?"  And I replied "I can tell you have bad news.  Just tell me."  

So.  My second beta did not double.  In fact, it didn't really even come close.  

241.  

A rise of 67.5.  

Dr. D. told me not to read too much into it, "could mean nothing at all" he said.  He told me he wanted to do another beta on Monday (today) and that he would want to see a number in the 500s by then.  

Of course I started freaking out, drowning my sorrows by buying Thomas the Tank Engine for Piglet and thinking of all the worst case scenarios.  I would not say I was devastated, because there was certainly still hope, but I was shaken to the core.  Just one more reason infertility is so frustrating. If I were a normal person, I would simply pee on a stick, see two lines, call my OB and make an appointment for when I was six weeks or so. There would be no knowledge of rising betas or doubling times.  

Knowledge is power, but it can also be a cruel instrument.  

Once I digested the news, I called in the troops, asking my closest friends and family to pray, send positive thoughts and cross every possible thing for me.  Everyone rallied around us and I am so grateful.  Their support and love made me able to continue functioning and try to keep hope floating despite the sinking feeling in my belly.

For the last 2.5 days I have been stewing.  Literally worried sick that my beta would decline instead of rise come Monday.  I put all the happiness and elation from previous two days on hold. I paid Limbo another visit.  Let me tell you, I have been there before, so often in fact, that they very nearly crowned me their queen.  

Today I brought my good luck charm, Piglet, with me for the third beta.  Despite waiting for over 30 minutes in the front and then a few more for my blood draw, he was an angel baby.  So charming and friendly to all the nurses, blowing kisses and roaring like a lion for them. :)  It made me hopeful that the rest of the day would continue going well for us.

And it has.  

Piglet set the tone and at 1:30 today I got the call.  

It rose. 

It more than doubled!!! 

To 623.

THANK GOD!!!!!!!  I swear that my sigh of relief could be heard across the globe.    

We still have a ways to go but we are out of the woods for now.  Ultrasound is August 27th, which will be a huge day for our family.  

P.S. - If you're wondering what Limbo looks like, just imagine a place that is filled with clocks, all telling a different time and none of them being the time you want it to be. Then make sure that all your food tastes the same and none of it very good.  Oh and add in insomnia every night and a foggy head all day long and you've found your way there.