So, if you're the jealous type...

You should skip this post.

Seriously.

Because it's gonna smart to read this one. A little. Okay, maybe a lot.

Especially if you have small children and are short on sleep.

Because my husband is all kinds of awesome sometimes.

And as I mentioned before, last year for my birthday, he told me to go away.

Without. The. Kids.

For FIVE days!

Not one to argue (ahem), I'm going.

TODAY!

And -- the best part? I'm taking my bestfriend with me. Five glorious poolside, coma-like-sleep, martini-stupor-filled and A&E movie marathon days. The weather's going to be hot like fire, but we honestly don't give a fart. Yep, I said fart. I live with four boys. It's part of our daily vocabulary. We are staying in a giant casita at a swanky resort and we have been waiting A YEAR for this vacation.

Correction. We have been waiting TWENTY years for this vacation, which is how long we've known each other, which is since we were 14 years old.

Annnnd now you know how old I am. Don't let it go to your head.

Presently I am running around like a terrifying organizer bunny with 'roid rage trying to get everything squared away before I leave at o'dark thirty tomorrow today. Curious what this involves? Want a sneak peek into the 'I dream of Container Store' brain of MVK?

Here's a sampling of what's on my list:

• Type up eight page user manual schedule for Twinks
• Fully stock fridge with the five items that Piglet will eat plus leafy greens for Mr. K.
• Clean and disinfect inside of suitcase
• Select outfits and make sure I pack the appropriate unmentionables to wear with each
• Pump, store in bags, date and freeze EXACTLY 262.5 ounces of milk, count it all again to make sure
• Send Mr. K an email reminding him of Piglet's classes and activities for the week. Also remind him to give Piglet daily vitamins.
• Double check and confirm hotel and car reservations
• Vacuum my purse

I sobbed a little as I bathed and put the Twinks to bed tonight, knowing that they will still be asleep when I leave in the morning so I won't have another chance squeeze their chubby thigh and kiss their round cheeks! As for Piglet, I told him I was going on a trip and he was staying home with Daddy for a few days. His response?

"Okay, mommy! BYE!!! I GO SEE CHOO CHOOS WITH DADDY! YAY!"

His little spirit was just CRUSHED as you can see.

Okay, off to check more things off my list. Only 3,842 more items to go.

HOLLA!

I'm baaaaaaaack!

Miss me?

Did you??

Did you?!

(I know that *some* special people did because they keep leaving "comments" in Chinese and passing on interesting links.)

Anyway, I missed you all. A whole LOT.

I have a list of excuses as long as my last receipt from Target, but would you believe the most compelling one has nothing to do with Piglet or the Twinks? In fact, it has to do with Mr. K and his (failed! gasp!) attempts to replace my hard drive.

Replace my hard drive. (giggle giggle snicker)

It seems that my MacBook Pro was low on space and it should've been an easy fix. But, OMIHOLYLORD. It was *quite* the ordeal. One ding to my clamshell and FIVE WEEKS later, I finally got my MacBook back. I learned me a very valuable lesson. If you get some sort of message saying that you might be low on disk space due to blahblahblahblahwahwahwahwahblahblah, DO NOT. I repeat, DO NOT read the message to your nerdy, husband who has OCD tendencies about these things unless you intend to relinquish your computer for weeks on end and live with a cranky, frustrated spouse. Don't get me wrong, I know I am lucky to have a nerd at my beck and call and now my MBP is lightening fast and I can store as many damn videos and pictures as I please. I am very grateful.

BUT -- damn, that took for-freaking-ever. And a blogger needs her 'puter.

JUST SAYING.

A short update on we folks here at Maison Piglets. The Twinks are fast-approaching six months! SIX! And they are getting fatter than ever, tipping the scales at nearly 17lbs apiece. Piglet is almost completely potty trained! As in, wears days of the week undies and runs around the house bellowing "I go pee pee! I go pee pee NOW!" I swear, when we are home, the child is naked from the waist down for approximately 77% of the day. It's become clear that THE accessory to have at our house is a pen.is. And if that's true, I am completely out of luck because I don't think J.Crew got those in their last shipment. Same goes for Nordstrom. Maybe I should look online?

Anyway, our summer flew by and culminated with a one week vacation to the beach with my family. What we learned is that there will not be any "vacations" for us for approximately 9.5 more years. At least. Going on "vacation" right now just basically means that we are relocating the hamster wheel and its accoutrements elsewhere.

I will now pause so that you can all get a good, clear mental picture of Mr. K and me running on a giant hamster wheel, wood chips flying, our three piglets cracking the whip whenever we stop to catch our breath.

Got it?

Anyway...seriously.

Being away from the comfort and convenience of our home was a total nightmare special challenge. From packing up all our crap to then trying to jam it into our car to the two hour (in traffic) car ride there, it was so challenging and exhausting and I would just as soon stay home and look at a freaking postcard while listening to some New Agey ocean sounds on CD.

What we learned is that raising twins and a two year-old is unbelievably difficult. And traveling? Forget it. At least for awhile.

(Insert diatribe about how I'm "not complaining" and I know "how lucky" we are, how I "never take my children for granted.") I could write it all out again, but do you really want to hear it?

Really?

Reeeeeally?

I don't believe you!

But rest assured it's what's in my heart. I love my kids and family but, in the words of Mr. K, "I'll be a monkey's uncle" if this isn't the most stressful, exhausting time of our lives.

To make up for being silent so long, and to give you and idea of what we've been up to, I compiled the following snapshots from the past two (hang head in shame) months just for you. Where words fail, photos speak. And where photos fail, you can fill in the blanks!

Enjoy.

Oh how I've missed you my bloggy friends, I'm so excited to be back!