Someone stop me.

+

=

And all consumed less than an hour before bed.  Oh the SHAME.

Oh well. 

Last night it was a H.ershey bar and ginger ale.

P.S. I have to tell you all that yesterday Piglet and I went to play at my sister's house. My brother in-law asked my sister how I was and her response was "I fed her from the minute she walked in until the minute she left."  What she left out is that I was there for three hours.  :)

Limbo, the new staycation.

I went in for my second beta last Friday.  I had a feeling that maybe it wasn't going to be perfect.  Don't ask me how I knew, I just did.  When Dr. Dreamy called me (on his lunch hour, no less!) all he said was "Hi M. this is Dr. Dreamy, how are you?"  And I replied "I can tell you have bad news.  Just tell me."  

So.  My second beta did not double.  In fact, it didn't really even come close.  

241.  

A rise of 67.5.  

Dr. D. told me not to read too much into it, "could mean nothing at all" he said.  He told me he wanted to do another beta on Monday (today) and that he would want to see a number in the 500s by then.  

Of course I started freaking out, drowning my sorrows by buying Thomas the Tank Engine for Piglet and thinking of all the worst case scenarios.  I would not say I was devastated, because there was certainly still hope, but I was shaken to the core.  Just one more reason infertility is so frustrating. If I were a normal person, I would simply pee on a stick, see two lines, call my OB and make an appointment for when I was six weeks or so. There would be no knowledge of rising betas or doubling times.  

Knowledge is power, but it can also be a cruel instrument.  

Once I digested the news, I called in the troops, asking my closest friends and family to pray, send positive thoughts and cross every possible thing for me.  Everyone rallied around us and I am so grateful.  Their support and love made me able to continue functioning and try to keep hope floating despite the sinking feeling in my belly.

For the last 2.5 days I have been stewing.  Literally worried sick that my beta would decline instead of rise come Monday.  I put all the happiness and elation from previous two days on hold. I paid Limbo another visit.  Let me tell you, I have been there before, so often in fact, that they very nearly crowned me their queen.  

Today I brought my good luck charm, Piglet, with me for the third beta.  Despite waiting for over 30 minutes in the front and then a few more for my blood draw, he was an angel baby.  So charming and friendly to all the nurses, blowing kisses and roaring like a lion for them. :)  It made me hopeful that the rest of the day would continue going well for us.

And it has.  

Piglet set the tone and at 1:30 today I got the call.  

It rose. 

It more than doubled!!! 

To 623.

THANK GOD!!!!!!!  I swear that my sigh of relief could be heard across the globe.    

We still have a ways to go but we are out of the woods for now.  Ultrasound is August 27th, which will be a huge day for our family.  

P.S. - If you're wondering what Limbo looks like, just imagine a place that is filled with clocks, all telling a different time and none of them being the time you want it to be. Then make sure that all your food tastes the same and none of it very good.  Oh and add in insomnia every night and a foggy head all day long and you've found your way there.  

If you can't find it, that's because I ate it.

If you set down something tasty on my countertop between the hours of 11 a.m. and 9:00 p.m. and leave for a few minutes, chances are you will come back to an empty plate.  Before and after that, you're safe. 

I don't know what the deal is this time because early in my pregnancy with Piglet, food was a very strange thing for me.  I didn't want to eat anything, I knew I needed to eat, but nothing sounded appealing.  Nothing sounded particularly horrible, but nothing was appetizing either.  If I had had my druthers, I would've skipped food altogether, except then the waves of nausea would come here and there, reminding me I needed to eat. When I was about 11 or 12 weeks, I started eat a lot of nectarines, peaches and Honey Nut Cheerios.  That I remember very clearly! 

This time though, oh my goodness, I can't face food too early, but come lunch time, I am ravenous.  I can and will eat you under the table.  Then the rest of the day it's nibbling here and there - fruit leather, cheese, toast, yogurt, strudel, a banana - it's an all afternoon munch fest.  I take a little break around 3:00 but by 6:00 I want start making out with the fridge again.  

It's very clear.  If I want to eat, I *really* want to eat.  If I don't, I definitely don't. They say that every pregnancy is different and I must say, I agree.  Now you'll have to excuse me as Mr. K brought me an eclair and it is in fact, not quite 9:00 yet.